


Mine's Bigger

by queenbree17



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Blow Jobs, Domestic, M/M, Naked People, OT4, Polyamory, dick comparing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 18:08:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6205396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenbree17/pseuds/queenbree17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you just want to be assured that you have the biggest dick.<br/>or<br/>where Kuroo and Bokuto both claim to have a bigger dick than the other</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mine's Bigger

**Author's Note:**

> It's been forever since ive posted anything so im back with something and a whole new fandom to add! My first Haikyuu fic so tell me what you think! This was the OT4 i had no idea i was even looking for and now i cannot get them out of my mind

“No way! Mine’s bigger!” Bokuto shouted across the apartment kitchen.

Kuroo rolled his eyes, “Just face it, Bo, I’m bigger than you.”

“What are you two arguing about now?” Akaashi moaned as he walked into the kitchen yawning, “It’s too early for you two to be shouting.”

“Akaashi will side with me!” Bokuto exclaimed, bounding to his boyfriend’s side.

“Only to make you be quiet!” Kuroo called, getting up from his chair to move to Akaashi’s other side. He smiled seductively at his boyfriend, “He’ll side with me if it means a trip to the bedroom, won’t you Akaashi?”

Akaashi gulped and extracted himself from his two boyfriend’s arms, “What do I need to choose a side for?”

“Who’s dick is bigger!” Bokuto and Kuroo exclaimed as if it were obvious.

“Mine’s bigger, right Akaashi?” Bokuto asked. “You’ve seen it up close and personal, so you’d know.”

“I’ve been up close and personal with your dick too, bro, and I know for a fact that mine is bigger!” Kuroo shouted.

Akaashi ran his hand over his face, God, their neighbors must love them. He shuffled past the two to get to the coffee pot only to find it empty. That’d probably explain why Kuroo and Bokuto were so awake at such an ungodly hour. He checked the clock, it read 10:47. They should all still be in bed at this time on a Sunday. Sunday was the only day where everyone was off of work at the same time and for the most pat it was a nice day, unless it started with arguments that ended up waking everyone in the apartment.

“If you guys keep shouting like that you’ll wake up Tsukishima.” Akaashi called as he made more coffee.

That got the two idiots attention. Kuroo and Bokuto paled and tried to lower their voices. They continued to argue back and forth for another ten minutes before Akaashi finally got tired of it. “Why don’t you guys just pull your dicks out and have a look to see who’s bigger?”

Bokuto and Kuroo looked at him like he was the genius who invented the wheel before they both threw their boxers to the floor.

“They’re all limp!” Bokuto cried in outrage, “It’s hard to tell who’s bigger like this!”

“Akaashi, what do you think?” Kuroo asked.

Akaashi barely spared them a glance before proclaiming, “You both look the same size to me.”

His boyfriends whined, “You have to look!”

Akaashi sighed and turned to look directly at the two flaccid dicks, “Bokuto’s right, it’s hard to tell when their limp. Why don’t you compare later when they’re hard?”

Stupidly thinking that was the end of that, Akaashi turned his attention to his phone.

“I wanna know now!” Bokuto complained loudly. Kuroo grumbled about something before they both fell quiet.

Akaashi wasn’t paying the two any mind anymore since they had gone silent. He sipped at his coffee and was scrolling through some news sites when he heard Bokuto gasp from behind him.

Worried that he was hurt, Akaashi turned and nearly spit his coffee out of his mouth, “What the hell are you two doing?!”

Kuroo and Bokuto stared at him with wide eyes. They were both still butt naked with a hand wrapped around the others dick and had been jerking each other off before Akaashi had shouted.

“We’re trying to see who has a bigger dick,” Bokuto said quietly, a little shocked at Akaashi’s sudden outburst. “It’s easier to tell when they’re hard.”

“In the kitchen?!” Akaashi didn’t even know what to say. He opened his mouth to shout some more, but the sound of a door opening made him stop. The three of them turned toward the hallway, waiting for their sleeping grumpy to come barging in. Tsukishima shuffled down the hall, blinking sleepily behind his glasses. He may look cute when he first wakes up, but he is definitely not someone to mess with in the mornings. They had all learned that the hard way.

“What the hell is all the shouting about?” He growled in a threatening voice.

Before anyone could answer Tsukishima’s gaze landed on his two very naked boyfriends still holding each other’s half hard dicks in their hands. Tsukishima turned from Kuroo to Bokuto, waiting for one of them to explain why he’d been woken up from their shouting and what they were doing naked in the kitchen. Bokuto withered under his gaze and Kuroo couldn’t quite find his voice.

Akaashi—who sat outside of Tsukishima’s gaze, whether because the blond just hadn’t seen him or he had automatically ruled him out for making so much noise—cleared his throat, “They’re comparing dick sizes.”

Tsukishima blinked, his sleepy mind trying to process everything. Everyone stayed silent, waiting for Tsukishima to shout at them and call them idiots before going back to sleep to only wake up a few hours later in a much better mood.

Instead, he shuffled over to sit next to Akaashi, steal his coffee, and say, “Bokuto’s dick is thicker than Kuroo’s, but Kuroo’s is longer.”

Scary Tsukishima forgotten, Kuroo dropped Bokuto’s dick and playfully shove Bokuto back, “I told you mine was bigger!”

“What?!” Bokuto shouted back, “Yours is just longer!” Mine’s thicker which means I have more dick than you!”

Kuroo turned to open a drawer and pulled out a tape measure, “If we’re going to get technical then let’s measure.”

“But which way are we going to measure?” Bokuto whined, “Tsukki already said mine’s thicker and yours is longer!”

“We’ll go for surface area,” Kuro said, making a grab for Bokuto’s softening dick. “You’re not hard anymore,” he complained.

“Well I can’t help is if Scary Tsukki is a turn off!” Bokuto exclaimed as he reached down to make himself hard again.

“They do know that their just going to get all horny, right?” Tsukishima said.

Akaashi reach out to reclaim his coffee, “They’re grown adults, they can take care of themselves after.”

Tsukishima snorted, “Neither of them are going to want to bottom after this. It’d be too much damage to their ego. They’d just make each other even hornier and grumpy and needy and we’ll be the ones to have to deal with it.”

“Let’s just see who’s bigger before worrying about all that,” Akaashi sipped at his coffee.

Kuroo was now kneeling next to Bokuto’s dick, tape measure in hand. Bokuto shivered when the edge of the tape measure brushed him and sucked in a deep breath when Kuroo grabbed him to keep his dick from bouncing all over the place.

“How long do you think he’ll last?” Tsukishima whispered.

“Not long.” Akaashi replied, “Five bucks says they won’t even finish measuring Kuroo.”

Tsukishima laughed. Kuroo reached behind him for some paper and jotted something down. He readjusted the tape measure and stuck his tongue out in concentration. Bokuto let out a deep moan as Kuroo leaned in even closer to get an accurate measurement, his breath tickling Bokuto.

“Bokuto, stop squirming.” Kuroo muttered, his grip of Bokuto tightening.

“Kuroo . . .” Bokuto moaned.

Kuroo stood up, “Okay, okay, I’m done.” he handed the tape measure to Bokuto and took his own dick in his hand. “You better measure me accurately.”

Bokuto grumbled about just wanting a blowjob now as he got on his knees. He pushed Kuroo’s hands away, “I can make you hard faster.”

Akaashi and Tsukishima grinned knowingly at each other as Bokuto leaned forward on his knees to kiss the tip of Kuroo’s dick. His tongue snaked out for just a moment before Bokuto wrapped his mouth around Kuroo.

Kuroo groaned and leaned back against the counter, “Bo, we gotta—“

Bokuto pulled back, “I know,” he said before diving back down and making obscene sounds that went straight to Kuroo’s now hard dick and a pair of other dicks that were sitting at the kitchen table behind him. He bobbed his back and forth, dropping the tape measure and pulling a low groan from Kuroo.

“I knew they wouldn’t last,” Akaashi murmured, holding his hand out for Tsukishima’s money, “That’ll be five bucks, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima slapped his hand playfully, eyes never leaving his boyfriends, “Yeah, yeah, remind me later.”

Akaashi’s triumphant grin slipped as Bokuto pulled off of Kuroo and reached for the fallen tape measure. He placed one hand on Kuroo’s waist to keep him from moving too much as he quickly measured him. Kuroo breathed heavily above him, “Don’t stop now, Bokuto.”

Bokuto ignored him and excitedly jumped up, “Tsukki! Can you find who has more dick surface area?”

Tsukishima smiled at Bokuto and took the paper. “I think that’ll be five bucks, Akaashi.”

“Bokuto,” whined Kuroo, all alone on the other side of the kitchen now, “You can’t just leave me like this!”

Bokuto stuck his tongue out and settled into the chair next to Tsukishima. “You left me without a blowjob, so I’m just returning the favor.”

Kuroo groaned and walked over to his boyfriends. He kissed Bokuto’s head as he watched Tsukishima scribble on the paper.

“Huh,” Tsukishima said before handing the paper to Akaashi.

Akaashi smiled, “That’s really close.”

“Who’s bigger?!” Kuroo and Bokuto shouted, anxious for their answer.

“First we just want to say that you two are both well-endowed and Tsukishima and I both love you despite whatever size your dicks are,” Akaashi started.

“And second, you two are extremely stupid to be so invested in something like this,” Tsukishima finished.

“Fine, we’re idiots,” Kuroo agreed, “Just who has the bigger dick??”

Tsukishima grinned, “Bokuto, your total ‘dick surface area’ is 34.2 inches. Kuroo—“

“Inches?” Bokuto interrupted. “That’s a lot, are you sure you got that right, Tsukishima.”

“Yeah, Bokuto,” Tsukishima said, “Dicks are basically a cylinder and to find the surface area of that you just have to find the height and radius then take those and multiply—“

“I’m not in school anymore, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima just stared at him. Kuroo looked over Tsukishima’s shoulder at the paper and a grin split his face. “It looks like Tsukki’s calculations are right. And it also looks like I’m bigger than you, Bokuto! 34.9 inches, bro!”

“What?! No way!”

“Yeah, it’s just barely, by like half an inch, but Kuroo is bigger.” Tsukishima said. He smiled at Akaashi, “Too bad we didn’t bet on who was bigger, I would have won.”

“Whatever,” Akaashi rolled his eyes.

“Come on, Bokuto,” Kuroo grabbed his boyfriend’s hand, “Let’s go take a hot bath.”

“With blowjobs?” Bokuto asked, thoughts of having a smaller dick already slipping from his mind.

“With blowjobs.” Kuroo agreed. Bokuto took off for the bathroom, leaving Kuroo behind. Kuroo laughed and picked up his and Bokuto’s boxers off the floor, “If you two are done betting on your innocent boyfriends then you can come join us too.”

Akaashi grinned and got up to follow Kuroo, Tsukishima not too far behind.

“Akaashi,” Tsukishima called. Akaashi turned to find the blond incredibly close, “Don’t forget that you owe me five bucks.”

He kissed Akaashi and ducked into the bathroom where running water and a shouting Bokuto could be heard.

**Author's Note:**

> I love comments and kudos!! send me requests! find me on tumblr! queenbree17


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